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Click here to read the stories or here for Quotes
Due to abuse the submitting of stories feature has been disabled.
Stories so far
| Submitted by: Peter Cresser |
| Title: PARA! |
| There are many to choose from but i like this one. When a certain friend of mine had the little house pub and diesel was a pound a pint a mate of mine called Mr Keith Farley told me he could drink me under the table (ha ha). So after telling me this, why was he found 2 hours later hanging onto a lampost and unsure how to get home, even though home was 30 yards away! Ha Ha since that day he has tried very hard to better himself but he still remains light. Feel free to taunt him about this as i still do! Oh and as for me...............stories of The Snooty Fox and graveyards are classified. |
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| Submitted by: Glenn Cresser |
| Title: RE: Para |
| OK Peter, I think you need to de-classify the storys of The Snooty Fox and graveyards and tell all your drinking buddies. |
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| Submitted by: Peter Cresser on 18/05/2002 |
| Title: Sam E = Lightweight |
| Just a brief story to say that last night I went out with Dad and a certain miss elderfield,well she only drank 6 southern comfort and lemonades,half a bottle of red wine and a bottle of stella.When she got in she had to go to the toilet where she was sick(what a waste!).this carried on for a while till she fell asleep in the toilet(wrapped in towels).when she awoke she continued to be sick till 11:15.She has told me she will improve her drinking skills and feels a night on the training mug should help! I hope so..........!
The moral of this story......Dont go drinking with P Cresser snr unless you have had thorough training in the art of power drinking.
HAPPY DRINKING TEAM MATES. P Cresser Jnr |
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| Submitted by: Glenn Cresser on 19/05/2002 |
| Title: RE: Sam E = Lightweight |
| Hmm. A training course needs to be arranged. Anyone who feels that they would like to enrole to improve their swilling techniques, then contact the team by email from this site. The more candidates the better the course content.
By the way Peter, I heard you were in bed by 9:30 on Saturday night. Care to explain yourself???????
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| Submitted by: Glenn Cresser on 09/06/2002 |
| Title: Peter the Hardcore? I don't think so |
| It was in April 2000 on a Friday night, Peter was making a video to send out to his brother in America (who was serving in the Navy). Although he was lively all night long, behind closed doors it was a different story........After a night at team HQ the crowd proceeded to Bentley's up the road. Here it was busy, lively with a good tempo going - even Mr Miller was on the podeum, his teeth glowing in the ultra violet light! Just after midnight is when I left and thought nothing more of it. Until now, when I watched the video. I was shocked. The next scene was at 2 am at someones house. Ashley was on the camcorder and after a while he dicided to video Peter. He was in the lounge completely out of the game! Just a stir every so often. No one could wake him, so he was filmed and photographed with a stocking on his head and covered in make-up - just managing to open half an eye when the flash went off. He says he was tired, but we know better. I have the evidence of the 8mm video tape in my posession and hopefully the pictures will appear in the soon to come Picture Gallery......... |
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| Submitted by: David "TED" Hughes on 25/06/2002 |
| Title: What a Breezer! |
| My short story goes back a couple of years when i had a visit from a certain PC from the Southern branch of TBDT.
It began on friday night when 3 friends from Tqy arrived in my hometown of Horwich, Lancashire for a weekend session of Diesel, Stella and meat pies. Friday night was a full on sesh with all on same level, and so to bed........... Saturday up for an early start few beers and off to watch the mighty Wanderers, good win and ready for the evening sesh. Mission accomplished and too bed we collapsed. SUNDAY lunch time session is a must for heavyweights throughout the country, now we must remember here that my drinking buddies are 6ft & 6.5ft repectively with a combined weight of around 35/40 stone, not the kind of people you would like to bump into in a dark alley.
Anyway off we go to the "Flea pit" drinking hole which is renowned for its local clientel being a little animalistic,
I proceed to the bar to place the order, which for myself was a pint of Stella Artois and "what do you two want" was the question to the Southern posse of TBDT, the reply stunned me and the other Northern diehards, the pub went quiet and to a standstill, the barmaid could not believe the reply, My Northern chums looked at me in a way to say Ted has turned, he is batting for the other side. What was the reply you ask, the reply to my horror was "we would like 2 BACARDI BREEZER`s please" and to make it worse the wanted "PEACH" yes bloody "PEACH". I rest my case!!!.
My best regards from the Northern Section. |
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| Submitted by: Peter Cresser on 25/06/2002 |
| Title: No excuses |
| What can I say..? I have only one answer to that story! On my first yes first trip to Horwich,home of the northern branch of the BDT I had a broken foot! However tyhis did not seem to deter me from joining in the hospitality of the locals,indeed at about 10 pm they were commenting on my ability to drink like a northerner! O and where was my mate David "ted"Hughes......... FALLING OFF A STOOL THROUGH THE SADDLE PUBLIC HOUSE DOOR AND OUT INTO THE STREET! With cries and shouts of LITEE!!!!!!! I however was left on my own to keep the southern posse name alive and was commended on doing so by several of the horwich branch!This has happened on SEVERAL occasions.LONG LIVE THE BDT |
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| Submitted by: Mr Thirsty on 27/02/2003 |
| Title: a game for Glen |
| Fuzzy Duck
Buzz: L
Difficulty: M
Players: 3+
Requirements:
Uhm... people and beer maybe?
Setup:
Get a group of drunken people (with a pint or seven apiece) around
a table.
How to play:
Someone kicks off by saying "fuzzy duck" to the person on their
left. That person repeats the phrase and the process continues
clockwise around the table until someone decides to say "Does
he?". Now the direction of play is reversed and the phrase changed
to "ducky fuzz". This continues around the table until someone
says "Does he?" again, whereupon the direction changes and the
phrase reverts to "fuzzy duck". The point of the game is to say it
very fast. Anyone who pauses or gets the phrase wrong must drink
the pre-determined quantity; say, a pint(!) or two fingers. If
anyone says "Does he?" twice in a row they incur the maximum fine
and down the rest of the pint - there's nothing worse than a
drinking game cheat.
Hints:
Focus on the first two syllables of the current phrase while it's
doing the rounds - think "duck" or "fuzz". Once you've reached
that crucial second consonant, the rest is easy.
Additions:
This game is enjoyable enough but it gets repetitive after a
while. True pissheads can opt for the enhanced version where you
alternate saying "Does he?" with "pleasant" - the direction
changes and the phrase now becomes "pheasant plucker". At the next
change of direction you switch to "pluck a pheasant". The gameplay
reverts to "fuzzy duck/ducky fuzz" when someone says "Does he?"
again.
we hope you like this game... try it the next time you go to the pub. |
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| Submitted by: Pedro Cresser on 01/06/2004 |
| Title: The Entertainer |
| Just to let you all know that Big Matt The Entertainer will soon be re-opening the old Merry Monk public house.Training will continue to be a priority at this establishment and i am sure it will be actively encouraged by the proprietors.
See you in there beer buddies.
Long Live Lager
God bless bitter
Pedro.
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| Submitted by: Peter Cresser on 03/07/2004 |
| Title: The Polish hardcore |
| To anyone who reads this story.
Recently marc and carleen have moved back to sunny Devon,however before they left I paid them a visit and was introduced to their neighbours. They are the Wielinski family from Poland and I have to say a few words about their very generous hospitality and very impressive drinking skills. While I was there I was introduced to some fantastic pork and cake and only wish i could eat more! Also while there I was given some Bison vodka which was very nice but the evening was kept warm by the consumption of plum brandy. at 70% proof! Truly amazing stuff. Antway I wish to pass on my thanks to all the family and hope yhat you will all someday meet them and have as much fun as I did.Hopefully they will all join the BDT and we look forward to seeing them at training HQ soon.
All the best
Peter Cresser. |
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| Submitted by: Chicho on 16/06/2005 |
| Title: The sock |
| I´m from Spain.This happened in my city (Zaragoza). One night at 5pm I was in a bar. And I needed to shit immediately. So I went to the WC, when I finished I realized that there was no paper. So I thought, 'humm, i´ll use my underpants to clean my butt' but I tought that was not a good idea because I had bought them that morning. Then I thought using my old sock...that was better. When I cleaned my butt I thought that leaving the sock there was very unpolite so I went to the barman and told him ' sorry sir, i think a damn son of a bitch leave this in the wc'...he said thank you to me and went out of the bar that motherfucker realized it was mine. I weared shorts that night and my socks were red so there was no mistake. He chased me for 15 minutes 'til he stopped. Great night. |
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Quotes
| Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then
I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of
their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, " It is
better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be
selfish and worry about my liver."
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Jack Handy |
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| I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
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Frank Sinatra |
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| An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk in order to spend time
with his friends." (e.g Des) |
Ernest Hemingway |
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| When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. |
Henny Youngman |
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| 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not. |
Stephen Wright |
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When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven! |
Brian O'Rourke |
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| Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. |
Benjamin Franklin |
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| Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is
beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the
wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. |
Dave Barry |
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| BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!! |
Genesis |
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| Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.
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| To some it's a six-pack; to me it's a Support Group. |
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And, saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, ofCheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo theory to
his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as
fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest
and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection
is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of
the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest
members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the
slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain
cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells,
making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
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(Burp) |
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